OK I got back on the scales yesterday after my interesting few weeks, I've reset my ticker and I'm ready to set off again in the pursuit of health, fitness and general well=being.

Of course this week is probably not the most auspicious one to begin a weight loss campaign. For a start I am not well and need to concentrate on recovering my health before I can really get on track.

For a second I am just too busy, with some more random relative visits planned, and my son's second birthday party to organise on Saturday.

But if I don't start again now, I may never start again. And my weight may creep back up into the zone where this ticker would be neagative. And I have promised myself I am never going there again....

So I propose a gentle start this week. There will be no scheduled exercise - I'm too sick and I haven't got time. I am making a faithful promise that I will get back to it next week. For this first week then - two rules only:

Drink lots of water

Practice portion control and try not to be too piggy.

Let's see how I get on with that!

As I'm still getting some regular readers on here, I just thought I'd point out that all the fun stuff about me has now transferred to my other blog www.corioboria.blog.co.uk and this page is going to be about my diet and fitness and all the boring stuff.

I'm a bit late coming on tonight. This is mainly because I used my precious evening computer time this evening for a bit more detailed surfing around and about my new 'condition'.

I must admit it was a really big shock to go into the clinic on Saturday, thinking that there was a 15 minute procedure that could give me 20/20 vision, and come out realising that not only was that not the case, and my eyes are going to need close monitoring and treatment by specialists for the rest of my life, but that I have a real 'condition' for which self help groups and charities exist, and whose most severe sufferers are registered disabled and wait around for transplants, unable to work or lead a meaningful life. For someone whose health has always been excellent, barring the usual range of minor ailments, this has rocked my world somewhat.

However further research and a few frantic posts on the self-help discussion forum later, I'm much reassured. The typical progression of this disease is that it stablises around age 40, which for me is next year. If, as I suspect, I've always had it, and 20 years after first wearing glasses I'm still able to see with them, then this is likely to be a very mild case, and hopefully I will not have to go through some of the horrors described by some of the other participants.

As one very helpful moderator on the site pointed out, there are many people who only have mild symptoms, but they don't hang around on the support forum - they get out and live their lives with no apparent problems. So the only stories you see on the forums are from people who are struggling. That was a great help as my first impression had been to freak out at all the horror stories.

So I'm somewhat reassured. I've booked to see my GP next week for a referral to the eye hospital, but I don't feel in any great panic any more.

On the subject of my stepfather, things are not looking so good. He has completely lost the ability to stand by himself and/or walk, and apparently was unable to tell the doctor when he had last walked (which considering it was only last Friday shows a considerable confusion).

Mum is bearing up quite well. She is enjoying the freedom from caring for him at the moment. She was talking about all the wonderful food that she could eat that he didn't like, and how she could watch what she wanted on the telly, at a normal volume. She's even been using his recliner chair, and says it's all luxury at the moment.

She seems to have steeled herself to the fact that he might be in there for several days or weeks, and is determined to enjoy herself while she can. But she avoided discussing the possibility that he might not come home at all, and I'm not at all sure how she will react if that proves to be the case.

From my perspective, the more days he lies around in a bed without getting up and walking, the less likely he is to be able to get back to it again, new medication or no new medication. I'm not a doctor, but it all looks a bit gloomy to me. And Mum certainly couldn't cope with him at home if he was a complete invalid - she's stretched to the limit looking after him as things stand.

So will those of you who pray, please say one for my mum and stepdad. I'm not sure I honestly know what result I'm praying for - all I really want is for my mum to be happy, however that can be achieved.

First of all my mum phoned to say my stepdad's been hospitalised. His Parkinson's took a turn for the worse and his legs froze rigid. Mum had to get an ambulance and even the paramedics had trouble moving him. Since he's been in hospital he seems to have become very confused and has had to wear incontinence pads as he can't seem to summon a nurse quickly enough.

Mum's enjoying the break, so she says, but from where I'm sitting the prognosis doesn't look too great.

Then yesterday afternoon, I plucked up the courage to visit a laser eye clinic, to see if I'd be suitable for treatment. It's something I've considered for years, as I hate my glasses and didn't get on with contacts on the two occasions I tried them.

The shocking news is, that not only am I not suitable for laser eye treatment, but I have a rare degenerative eye condition, which at its most serious might see me needing a cornea transplant later in life. This has completely freaked me out. Of course I've Googled the condition (keratoconus), and of course you see all of the worst case scenarios. I know it's possible to have a milder case, and I'm hoping and praying that this will be me, but I have to say that right now I'm terrified.

I'll be on the phone straight away tomorrow to try and find me an eye specialist (no more High St opticians for me). I'll keep you all posted as to how I get on.

First of all thanks to all those who came by and commented last night. It made me feel a lot better and I'm very glad I got the whole subject off my chest.

Today has been a day of trying to reconnect my life and put my house back together - after a week of serious illness followed by my mums visit, very little has been done around the place in weeks. I had a pile of paperwork about to take over my desk, and any number of phone messages, emails and other errands to catch up on.

None of this was helped by the fact that we had a really grotty day -the first of the late autumnal days with driving rain and horrid icy winds. So the children were cooped up indoors all day and slowly drove each other (and me) crazy.

My son would not go down for his afternoon nap for the fourth day in succession. That's partly because he didn't do any serious running about in the morning (and boy does my son need to run!), but I think I am also going to have to face the fact pretty soon that at nearly two, he's going to need these naps less and less frequently.

This is a bit of a disaster for me - I rely on his downtime each day to get my head straight and do any paperwork/admin stuff. If he doesn't go for a nap then I will have to do that during my evening office session - aka my blogging time. Oh well, only another 10 months till he goes to nursery!

But I did what I could and feel a bit more together now. I called a few local tradesmen and got started on some of the home improvement projects we are planning for the winter. I planned a new start for the diet (starting next week!) and did a healthy shop on the internet (supermarkets are very dangerous places for me).

Back to the gym tomorrow - and then on Sunday we have rescheduled one of the lunch dates that got cancelled on the disastrous weekend of two weeks ago.

Hello everyone, I'm back.

Mum went home today and we've all had a lovely time. Hopefully she'll come again soon.

Despite saying I'd stay away, I have been lurking around the blogs the past few nights. I just didn't comment as much because I was on quite late and didn't have time to linger.

But while I've been gone I've noticed that some of my 'friends' have dropped me from their blogs. I've also seen a few posts around the place about the purpose of 'friends' and the purpose of 'blogs'. This has got me fretting a bit , hoping that I haven't inadvertently offended anyone, so I thought I'd set out my position.

My sole purpose when I began this blog, was to chart my own journey in losing weight and becoming fit and fabulous, so that when I start my business persuading beginners to lose weight and start exercising, i would have my own inspirational story to draw on, with all its flaws and ups and downs. Hence the title of the blog and a certain bias towards health and fitness issues.

I intended the blog as just another part of my business website. But I had no idea how to set up a blog on my site (I've now found out I don't pay a high enough fee to my ISP to have a blog on my site), so I came to blog.co.uk to blog and just linked it to my site.

I've also never had a website before and I don't have a clue how to use it. I'm trying all kinds of things on it at the moment just to find out how they work. At some time next year probably this will be launched as a fully functioning business website and I'll be out there with the rest of the vultures touting for business - at the moment I'm just playing. Anyone who goes there right now and makes any comment at all is doing me a great favour, and you're all invited.

When I came to blog.co.uk I didn't really have a clue what I was up to. I was keeping a blog as a diary for me and my future clients and didn't really know what 'friends' were all about. Anyone who commented on my blog - I wnet and read their posts and started to realise that other people had 'friends'. And being a nice sociable person I wanted them too.

Slowly but surely over the past few months I've gained a few friends and found that the purpose of the blog has changed course a bit. I've 'met' a great group of people whose comments I greatly look forward to each evening. I can't even stay off when my mum comes to stay. There's a great group of people who are inspiring me, supporting me, and making me laugh (thanks Sussie, I really need adult humour sometimes). Some of my other friends are on their own inspirational journeys, and honestly doing a lot better than I am. I keep reading, hoping that soon I will receive the vital piece of inspiration that will set me on the path.

I've even rediscovered my French, after one of the French bloggers invited me as a friend recently. I've followed up some of his commmenters and am now attempting to say a few French words to a few French people which is doing me no end of good.

I read every one of my friends' posts - nearly all anyway. I love seeing what everyone is up to. I pick as friends, people whose blogs interest and inspire me - and those who are coming to comment on my own blog - I'm not just trying to get my numbers up.

So my 'fitness and health' blog has become a bit of a litany of my life, and a place to vent in the evenings. Mind you, if anyone does ask any advice in my new specialist subject of health and fitness I have no hesitation in offering my own two-penn'orth. I ask people to visit my website now and again as well - most recently to see my photos. Although there is stuff for sale on my site, which i am trialling (links to where I'm doing my own Christmas shopping!), I hope people are not referring to me when they say that some people are just bloggin cos they want to sell you something.

At some point in the future, I will launch a commercially minded blog on my own website, using some of the stuff I have been teaching myself these last few months. But I think I will still hang round here, even then, because I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would, and I love the idea that I've got a group of friends around the world, some of whom I might like to meet at some point in the future - who can tell.

I don't suppose the people who have dropped me as friends will read this post. I'm not sure, reading it back myself whether it makes any sense at all. But it's done me good to explore my own concerns and motives, and now I will worry no more about my ex-friends and get on with the fun stuff.

I'm not going to be on long tonight. I'll probably write this and have a very quick surf around then off to bed. And I may not be around for the next couple of days. Reason is, my mum's come to stay with us for a bit. The kids are wild with excitement and so am I.

This is a very unusual occurrence. She's a full-time carer - my stepfather Peter has Alzheimers, Parkinsons and plenty of other ailments besides. He needs round the clock care but up till now he has refused to let anyone else care for him, ever. So poor mum has worked herself to the bone caring for him and never has a moment's rest.

Finally , after much persuading from me, and also from her doctor after she broke down in tears in his office, she has had the courage to stand up to my stepfather and tell him, that he jolly well is going to have to accept respite care for short periods each year, becuase she can't go on any longer.

They looked at a couple of old people's homes, offering temporary care, but he flatly refused to go. So they have compromised - a family friend is coming in to cook lunch and dinner, and mum has arranged a night nurse (called Brian) from 8pm to 8am.

Strangely enough in the last few days before mum's departure Peter has rediscovered the ability to do things that he was quite happy to have mum do for him. Mum has only had to say "Are you going to ask Brian to do this when I'm away?" and funnily enough he manages to put his own pants on or whatever other little thing he had called her upstairs to do.

I am so glad that mum is getting a very short break from there. I can't stand the fact that he has her in near slavery, but she is of the generation that were taught to love, honour and obey, and she finds it very hard to stand up to him. I know he's mentally disabled, very frail, and totally dependent, but sometimes his arrogant selfishness makes me want to scream at him. I don't because I don't want to upset mum, but I do wish sometimes that I could.

So me and the kids are going to spoil Grandma rotten for the short time she's with us, and hope that I can persuade her to come for longer next time. I'm even talking with my hubby about taking her on holiday with us somewhere next year - he loves my mum so this is no problem.

And I'm also secretly hoping that Brian might help Peter rediscover some more of his independence, which might make mum's lot a bit easier when she gets home.

A nice normal day at last - so lovely to be able to say it after the horrors of last weeks bug.

After church, my husband took the children to the park to play football and I cooked up a good proper Sunday lunch, which was gobbled up greedily by all. I'm so pleased to see their appetites back.

A short siesta then hubby cut the grass (why is it still growing in mid-November?) and I made butternut squash soup for dinner.

Fiished it off with a nice hot bath - altogether a perfect Sunday

Family's recovery from the bug is still continuing thank God. The two precious little monsters are running around and tormenting the heck out of each other like nothing ever happened. And I'm still having trouble keeping up with their food demands.

So we went back to our normal Saturday morning family gym session, although I drew the line at swimming afterwards - I think we had a lucky escape last week and I didn't want to tempt fate again.

I noticed I was a bit underpowered at the gym. Energy levels are well low and I just couldnb't muster the stamina to keep going at my usual pace.

At first I thought it was just because I have missed a few sessions, but it's slowly dawning on me, I am mentally and physically exhausted. My immune system must have been working on overdrive this week, trying to protect me from a very vicious bug. My nights have been disturbed because each time a child coughs, I go into red alert mummy mode. And I feel that all the empathy has been forcibly wrung from me over the course of the week, leaving an emotional wreck.

I've also got a bit of a cough that has been hanging around for a couple of weeks. It's not a chesty thing - more a bug in my throat, but it's certainly contributing to keeping me awake at night. And today my ear is stuffed up with wax. I have a sneaky suspicion that my immune system has been concentrating on the main intruder and has let a couple of little bugs slip under the radar. I won't be the slightest bit surprised to find myself with an ear or throat infection or both.

Can I curl up under a pile of rugs and go hibernate please?

We had yet another night of vomiting on Wednesday night. My daughter managed a spectacular double ended salute in her sleep. If it wasn't so gross it would have been almost funny and quite impressive.

After bathing her and keeping her up for a while to see if she was OK, we eventually tucked her in with me for the night (a bit of a risk I know, but sometimes a mother's love knows no bounds). She tossed and turned and coughed quite a bit all night. Each time she did I sat bolt upright and got ready with the bucket. But nothing.

Then in the morning she woke up and immediately started crying her eyes out. "Oh God" I thought "whatever next! How much more can I cope with!"

"Mummy!" she wailed " I'm sooooooo hungry!"

And (fingers crossed) this seems to have been the turning point. The two of them have been biting my hands off ever since - I can't feed them enough. I've been trying to keep it simple and basic, little and often, and sometimes disappointing them by stopping them from guzzling as much as they wanted. And slowly but surely my two little rascals seem to be re-emerging from the pit of hell.

I had a dose myself last night. I guess I kind of knew it was coming. But in the way of women everywhere I just got on with it - haven't really got time to be ill, sorry. Sat on the loo for an hour, took some Alka Seltzer and went back to bed. I feel fine again today.

Thank God it's Friday. I'm cautiously hoping for a quiet, relaxing weekend....

Well it does in this house anyway.....

Vomiting has now been replaced by diarrhoea. Son and daughter are both at it, hubby is none too special either.

Have you ever noticed how when you or your family get sick, food goes back to Mum's own home cooking. No matter where I travel and how sophisticated my culinary tastes become and my skill in the kitchen, when the chips are down it's back to good old comfort food remembered from my childhood.

So tonight we all had pasta in thick gloopy homemade cheese sauce, made with a bit of tomato puree and garlic, so it looks pretty and pink and tastes delicious - just the way mum made it for me. And for the first time in days there were empty plates all round.

And tonight there's a chicken carcass boiling up on the hob, which will be made into soup for tomorrow's lunch, with carrots, potatoes, onions and lots of herbs.

Which probably explains why, although all my nearest and dearest are dropping like flies and don't seem to be able to keep any food inside at all (my hubby has lost five pounds over the weekend), mum is constipated and piling on the weight again.

But I'm not going to worry about that till everybody is well again.

Today started a bit better. Hubby took another day off work but declared himself over the worst, just weak. My daughter went back to nursery and I went to the gym as normal. Did a good workout - kissed goodbye to 450 calories, which is quite high for me.

My friend (she of the 40th birthday) didn't show. I figured at first she had just decided she didn't want to work out on her birthday. But unfortunately when I finished my workout and checked my messages there it was. She and her mum had come to visit us last Thursday, when Eoin was no doubt incubating the bug. Friend's mum had gone down with it on Saturday and my friend and her fiance had succumbed to it last night.

A vicious, nasty, horrid bug. I still don't know why I seem to have been spared. I daresay I shall get it just when everything else is back to normal.

However, despite guilt at infecting my friend, and the pathetic sight of my husband re-emerging from the deep, I actually felt a lot better today - like the dreadful thing was finally leaving our family and going off to bother some other folks.

I sat down at the keyboard to write about an hour ago and would have sent a very happy optimistic "All OK now". Then my son threw up again - big time.

He seems very well - you'd almost say he did it for attention as he clearly relished being taken back out of bed and getting to spend late night time with mum and dad. You wouldn't say he was ill at all apart from the state of his nappies. But after some running around and some more stories I've just tucked him up again.

So I'm back to wondering - what the hell will tomorrow bring? if this thing can come round and strike again then when the heck are we ever gong to be rid of it? And when am I going to get it?

A strange day today. Hubby not going to work, daughter not going to nursery. So a little bit of a lie in to start and not the usual frantic rush to get everyone dressed, fed, packed with appropriate gear and out the door. A bit like an extra weekend day really.

Hubby though had had a terrible night with this bug and decided to stay in bed. And I decided to stay in with the children - if they're too ill to go to nursery, you shouldn't be taking them out and about.

But of course the children are getting a bit better now, and are starting to go stir crazy after the confines of the weekend. They squabbled over the lego, they squabbled over the colouring pens and pencils, they squabbled over the new toys that were bought for them over the weekend. Whatever I set up to keep them apart, they insisted on trying to do together and then squabbling. And the house just got messier and messier.

My daughter declared that she was going to turn the living room into an art gallery. "That's a great idea" I said, thinking that she meant she was going to draw lots of pictures and pin them on the walls. I went into the kitchen and silence reigned for a while, which pleased me no end. Then I came in to find the felt tip all over the living room walls - "Do you like my gallery?" she said. ***@@@@! said I. Thank God the pens were washable, although I really feel like I've done enough scrubbing of floors & walls this weekend.

Thankfully hubby woke up at lunchtime and volunteered to sit with them for a while, so I could get out of the house for a bit. I went to the supermarket, then bought a magazine and sat in Starbucks for an hour with a giant mug of hot chocolate. Sanity partially restored thank goodness. I also got out for a quick walk into town and did some errands. The weather was gorgeous, a lovely crisp autumn day, ad I quite enjoyed being at the shops as the dusk fell and the lights came on.

Everything is gong back to normal tomorrow - everyone is going back to their various schools, creches and places of work. I'm going back to the gym and having lunch with my friend who had the party at the weekend as tomorrow is her actual birthday. I declare that this rubbish weekend is now at an end. SO THERE!

We had four parakeets in our garden this morning. Beautiful, green and very screechy. I should have thought about it and run to get my camera, but I just stared and stared until they flew away.

I'd heard that there were native parakeets in this area, but this is the first time I'd seen them. One of my local friends told me they were set free from Shepperton film studios after a film shoot in the fifties, another one that they were accidentally released from Windsor zoo. Whatever the case they were not expected to survive, but against the odds they have thrived and there is now a large colony of them.

The local paper reported this week that they had been nesting near a local football pitch over the summer, but had all suddenly upped and flown away. So it seems that some of them ended up in my garden. They tucked in quite happily to my birdseed and nuts - thank heavens I had some out. Hopefully they will remember the food source and come back and get some more. If they do, I will snap them and post it for you.

the only splash of colour and interest in an otherwise dreadful weekend.

My husband and I are not really social creatures. We like to stay at home a lot and enjoy the company of each other and our children. It's almost unheard of for us to go out twice in a single weekend. Which is why I'd been looking forward to this weekend for ages.

Saturday night's party was already a write off. Today we were planning to go to some friends, an hour's drive away, for Sunday lunch. But the little lad coughed up some spectacular green stuff in the night, and brought up his juice first thing this morning as well, so reluctantly we called it off.

My husband took my daughter to church and I put my son on the regime that the emergency room doctors showed me last time we had a bug like this - 1 teaspoon of rehydration fluid every five minutes - no more. And we hatched Plan B - that my husband could take my daughter up to London for a fun day out, while my son and I rested quietly at home.

Great idea. But they came home from church, brought in the groceries and were just getting ready to leave when.....my daughter threw up violently. Great - here we go again.

Thankfully at 3 1/2 she has been able to take herself to the bathroom or use a bucket, so I have been able to catch up with the towel laundry from yesterday. But apart from that, another total waste of a day. She's been on the go constantly all day, poor little love. What a horrid bug.

In the afternoon my son was perking up slightly, so I suggested that my husband might like to take him out for a walk in his buggy. But once again, just as he was planning to leave, my husband got his call to the bathroom and remained there for some time.

So now, I'm almost scared to eat, wondering when this is going to strike me. Thankfully I feel just about OK so far. But my daughter fell asleep on the sofa, my husband is lying on the living room floor and said he would watch her. I put my son to bed and went and locked myself in the bathroom. I poured myself the biggest hottest bath you ever saw with twice as many bubbles as usual. I closed the door and enjoyed a good long soak.

MUMMY/NURSE OFF DUTY!

I was planning great things for last night. I was going to come on here and waffle on about I can't remember what. But I'm sure it was going to be fabulous.

And tonight, I was looking forward to going out with my husband to a friend's 40th birthday party. Not a huge party - just a quiet meal at a lovely restaurant. And given that I haven't had a date with my husband since July I was really looking forward to it.

Instead I've spent the last 24 hours with a wretched vomiting toddler. He started last night and he was still at it half an hour ago. Thankfully he now seems to have collapsed into sleep, but I'm afraid our night out is ruined, and I'm not sure about tomorrow's lunch date either.

So that leaves me tonight to sit at the keyboard and pour forth my soul. Except tonight I seem to have no soul - I'm spent and exhausted myself. If there was a literary masterpiece waiting to escape, which I was sure there was yesterday, I think I must have put it in the washing machine aloing with every other piece of linen in this house.

Don't get me wrong - I love my children dearly. But they do pick their moments to get sick.

Here I am back. I've been strangely uninspired these last few days, and thought that as I had nothing particular to say then I should write nothing and concentrate on reading everyone else.

Tonight I feel like I just want to make my mark and say "hello I am here" - even though I still haven't got very much profound thought to add on top of that.

Went back to the gym today - it somehow feels different, now I am "qualified". No-one will ever intimidate me in a gym again. So what if I'm not the fittest, strongest, or anywhere near the slimmest. I know what I'm doing - I'm an instructor. So na na na boo boo to all the big scary men (and to some of the scary, hairy women).

My friend (the poor long-suffering creature I've been practising my teaching skills on) had her mother to stay with her this week. And mum has been going to the gym at home so was happy to come and join us. So I had a different body to practice on - one who falls squarely into what I think will be my target market segment - older females without much exercise experience.

I showed her through a few things and she seemed really pleased. And I really enjoyed doing it. I'm really keen to get started now.